Part I: It's So Hard To Say Hello

Hello to all who may read this!! I know it's been a while since I've written something on here and to be honest I haven't been writing a whole lot in my journal either. Winter is a very hard season for me. My mood is largely affected by the weather and I feel so lethargic and then on top of that I get depressed about being lethargic and so on and so forth...and then I found five dollars...However, this past weekend--specifically last night--I began to feel like I'm turning the corner. I do want to write a little bit about something that has been on my mind and heart lately (for a while) and will try to keep at a short length since I know that some youth read this and will immediately be turned off and not read one bit of this if it's more than four sentences...oops! But I ain't mad at ya. Do ya thang boi; got nothin' but love fo ya!

So, as David Crowder sings, "Come and listen...Let me tell you what He has done for me, He has done for you, He has done for us. Come and listen, come and listen to what He's done."

There are many things that you know are going to happen, yet there's really nothing you can do to prepare for them--you can only go through them...like, life, for instance. No, I'm not going to talk about something as broad as that bc that would just be boring and go absolutely nowhere. As an example, however, I would have to say my experience w/ The Citadel. I always thought--and still do think--the funniest question people would ask was, "Are you ready?" They'd ask w/ that idiotic smirk on their face and maybe give me one of those winks like they actually did know anything about it and of course I would just play Johnny Political and smile back and say, "I guess we'll see..." even though I wanted to say, "What kind of question is that, nasty?! How the crap should I know?! How can I be?!" Now, don't peg me for some hot-headed jerk that won't try to understand what people are trying to ask and really mean. I'm hoping you can find it deep inside yourself to admit that you say these sorts of things inside your head all the time to people, but then go w/ what the other guy on your right shoulder tells you to say--you know, the guy w/ the halo and the white robe and what not. He's cool, but the other guy will just get you in trouble--trust me on this one! (Now, I'll quit being me and just write what I sat down to write instead of pulling some Seinfeld stuff: "What's the deal w/")

I can do all the push-ups, running, etc., but nothing can truly prepare me for what's to come. I simply have to go through it and learn along the way. What I'm dealing w/ now may be a stretch to compare it to the whole Citadel thing and I hope I didn't lost you too much w/ that, but it has to do w/ saying goodbye--or even more than that, saying hello.

About a year ago, I received a phone call asking me if I'd be interested in coming on as youth minister for high school at Riverland Hills. This person had heard that I had applied to Furman to be a chaplain intern in order to fulfill my mentoring requirement for seminary and asked if that fell through if they could have my word that I'd come on at Riverland Hills. I told them yes, and as it so happened, the Furman thing fell through (long story, literally). It was made known that this was only on a temporary basis until they found a replacement--someone who would be able to be there on a long-term basis. I know myself pretty well and knew that I have a tendency to get attached to people fairly quickly. And I knew that it would probably be hard for myself and the youth--assuming they would like me. It was relayed to the youth that I would only be here for a certain amount of time, but it was better than not having anyone. Of course I feared that none of the youth would be receptive to me since they had just had a youth minister for a short time and many of them had about 3 (correct me if I'm wrong) in about 3 years or so. The saddest thing about that is that the average "life cycle" of a youth minister at a church is about a year. I don't care if that is the average and I don't think that makes it any easier and/or better for the youth to deal w/. Why should I expect them to be receptive to me? It seems better to just wait this temporary guy out and do whatever I can to not get attached to him since it hurts so bad to get attached to someone and then have them leave. That seems to be the safest route. Seems to be the most logical thing to do. However, (you knew I was going to say that, didn't you? :) ) that is no way to live life and it is my conviction that it contradicts so much of how the Bible tells us to live and how Jesus lived his life. I think to best get across what I want to say and am trying to say in so many words is to just quote from an entry in my journal I wrote back in January:

"Well, they called Jonathan last night to be the new high school youth associate. As much as I have said I'm cool w/ all of the process of getting a new youth minister and wouldn't feel awkward about it, I have to say I'm feeling pretty dang awkward right now. I truly want what's best for these youth and this church, but still part of the selfish me feels weird and fears the youth's confusion and possible hurt feelings even though they knew from the beginning that this was temporary. So much of me wants to stay, but so much of me knows I need to go. I have fallen in love w/ these youth. I knew it would happen, but it doesn't change the hurt and sadness bc that's something you can't prepare yourself for. All I do is embrace my time w/ them now and prepare them, Jonathan, and myself for the future. Bonds have been formed w/ the youth and myself that will not be broken--no matter how hard Satan tries. The bond of God has declared victory a long time ago and I claim that victory and count it as one of the blessed blessing from God through Jesus Christ...Have mercy on me, God."

That's all I'm going to write in this post, but will finish up my thoughts--and not ramble as much--either tomorrow or sometime this week. Until then, peace be w/ you!